Avoiding Common Mistakes Married Couples Make When Arguing

woman thinking of relationships problems sitting on sofa with offended husband

Conflict is an inevitable part of any marriage, but how couples navigate and resolve these disagreements can significantly impact the health of their relationship. In the heat of the moment, it's easy to fall into patterns of behavior that can escalate tensions and damage communication. However, by recognizing and avoiding common mistakes made during arguments, couples can cultivate healthier ways of resolving conflicts and strengthen their bond.

In this blog, we'll explore 15 typical mistakes couples make when arguing and provide practical strategies for overcoming them, fostering greater understanding, empathy, and harmony in marriage.

15 Common Mistakes For Married Couples To Avoid

1. Starting The Fight On The Wrong Foot

couple arguing with each other

Addressing conflicts at the wrong time , place and mood can prolong tensions and hinder resolution. Schedule discussions during calm moments when both partners are emotionally available and avoid sensitive topics when tired or hungry. Choosing the right time for communication can facilitate productive dialogue and prevent unnecessary conflict.

2. Calling Each other Names

Calling each other names during arguments not only hurts your partner but also damages trust within the relationship. Before speaking, take a moment to reflect on your emotions and express your feelings calmly and respectfully. Seeking guidance from premarital counseling or couple's therapy can provide valuable tools for effective conflict resolution and communication.

3. Focusing on Dissimilarities

Embracing differences within the relationship can strengthen bonds and promote personal growth. Focus on common goals and mutual respect rather than dwelling on differences. Practicing active listening and celebrating diversity can foster a strong and resilient partnership.

4. Constant Interruptions

Depressed husband shouting at her wife in the house

Constantly interrupting your partner prevents effective dialogue and often leads to feelings of frustration and resentment. Prioritize active listening by allowing your partner to speak without interruption, and practice empathy by genuinely seeking to understand their perspective. Establishing ground rules for communication can help foster healthier dialogue and prevent interruptions.

5. Negative Body Language

Negative body language, such as eye-rolling, crossing arms, or frowning, can exacerbate tensions and impede constructive communication between partners. Instead, make a conscious effort to practice mindful body language that signals interest, openness, and empathy during discussions. Maintaining eye contact, adopting an open posture, and offering affirming gestures can foster a more conducive environment for effective dialogue and mutual respect.

6. Using Exaggerated Words

Employing exaggerated words, such as using words like "always" or "never," can escalate conflicts and hinder effective communication. Instead, focus on specific instances and practice active listening to convey your emotions accurately. Avoiding exaggerations and using precise language can promote clarity and understanding during discussions.

7. Dwelling On Past Issues

Revisiting past grievances during arguments prolongs conflicts and fosters resentment within the relationship. This habit detracts from addressing the current issue at hand and undermines efforts to find resolution. Instead, focus on articulating your feelings and concerns regarding the present situation without dwelling on past occurrences. By maintaining a forward-looking approach and expressing your emotions directly and constructively, you can foster healthier communication patterns and cultivate a stronger, more resilient bond with your partner. Celebrate the present by exchanging thoughtful anniversary gifts that symbolize your commitment to moving forward and strengthening your relationship.

8. Being Aggresive

Aggressive couple fighting

Yelling during conflicts can escalate tensions and impede productive communication between partners. If emotions run high, take a timeout to calm nerves before resuming the discussion. Maintaining a soft tone and avoiding screaming can help convey your message effectively while preserving mutual respect.

9. Avoiding Accountability

Avoiding responsibility for one's actions can strain relationships and hinder personal growth. Reflect on your behaviors and acknowledge mistakes to rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship. Taking ownership and offering sincere apologies can demonstrate accountability and foster resolution.

10. Playing The Blame Language

Assigning blame during conflicts shifts focus away from resolution and can escalate tensions between partners. Instead, focus on expressing your feelings and empathizing with your partner's perspective. Working together to find solutions rather than assigning blame can promote understanding and cooperation.

11. Swearing 

Swearing or using aggressive language during arguments can heighten emotions and undermine respect within the relationship. Replace swear words with alternative language and focus on de-escalating conflicts rather than escalating them. Maintaining gentler language can promote effective communication and mutual understanding.

12. Making Personal Comments And Attacks

Criticizing your partner's character during arguments can erode trust and create defensiveness, making resolution difficult. Instead, focus on discussing specific issues without resorting to personal attacks. Utilizing "I" statements to express your feelings and practicing empathy can foster a more constructive dialogue.

13. Being Defensive

Reacting defensively during conflicts can hinder resolution and strain the relationship further. Take time to reflect on your triggers and consider seeking therapy if needed to address underlying issues. Practice active listening and validate your partner's emotions to promote understanding and connection.

14. Lack Of Communication

Stonewalling or shutting down during conflicts can block communication and prevent resolution. If you notice yourself or your partner withdrawing, take a break to calm nerves and gain perspective before resuming the conversation. Establishing cues or words to signal overwhelm can help manage emotions during heated discussions.

15. Not Maintaining Eye Contact

Avoiding eye contact during discussions can signal disinterest or discomfort, hindering effective communication and intimacy. Encourage gentle eye contact as a way to convey engagement and attentiveness during conversations. Maintaining relaxed eye contact can foster increased interaction and cooperation between partners.


In conclusion, arguments are a natural part of any relationship, but it is important to approach them with respect, empathy, and a willingness to work together toward a resolution. Don't be afraid to reach out for help if you and your spouse are struggling to resolve conflicts on your own. Seeking therapy can provide you with the tools and resources you need to strengthen your communication skills, build trust, and work through issues in a healthy and productive way.

Remember that asking for help is a sign of strength and commitment to your marriage. By avoiding these common mistakes and focusing on healthy communication and conflict resolution, you can strengthen your bond with your spouse and maintain a happy and fulfilling marriage. 

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